True friendship is the mutual regard shared between two individuals who love and esteem one another more than others. True friends are people to whom we can voice our ideas and opinions without fear of rejection; share our hearts without fear of judgment; and trust fully to safeguard what we reveal or submit to them. Now that's not to say that you can't report him if he tells you he just axed his mother-in-law or raped someone. In such situations the law requires that you turn him over to civil authorities. But in most cases, a friend's disclosure is not so drastic, and can be held in confidence as you seek to work them through it.

Proverbs says a true friend “loves at all times,” (17:17), even when we crash and burn before them. Not only in times of peace, prosperity and agreement are they our friends, but also in seasons of misunderstanding, disagreement and conflict. Such friends truly are the salt of the earth.

Not Just Anybody

While it is acceptable to greet anyone with the polite salutation of “friend,” the word in its strongest sense is reserved for those whom we know and trust in more familiar ways. Such a distinction is undeniable.

A man who has [many] friends must himself be friendly, but there is a friend that sticks closer than a brother.

Proverbs 18:24

If we have them, we should value friends who stick closer than a brother. When life's storms swirl around us, and the weight of the world comes crashing down on us, true friends become our comforters, supporters and co-warriors. Only close friends can offer trusted and valuable counsel that will lift and delight our hearts. But we need to know that close-sticking friends can also reprove us when we need it. Casual acquaintances rarely stand in this special place. Even though a close friend's correction may wound us temporarily (Proverbs 27:5-6), in the end it proves to be “excellent oil,” bringing restoration and healing to areas of our lives that desperately need it (Psalm 41:5). As friends clash together with differing ideas and opinions, each sharpens the countenance of the other (Proverbs 27:17), and by it, both are readied for greater service in God's Kingdom.

Misguided and wretched is the man who has no close friends! When friendship disappears from a person's life, then there is a space left in the heart that is like the cold, lifeless expanse between the planets. It is an emptiness in which men utterly perish.

Making Friends

He is no fool who develops a good crop of friends with which to travel life's perilous road. If you lack such a crop, and want to begin adding good friends to your lonely life, then be prepared to take the first step and “show yourself friendly” (Proverbs 18:24a). Many people are holding back in today's fast-paced society, waiting for others to make the first move toward friendship. But it rarely works that way. Rather than hide in the shadows and hope that someone will reach out and invite you into their social sphere, why not reach out and invite them into your social sphere? Talk to the Lord about this deficit in your life, and ask Him to lead and guide you to the people He knows could become very good friends to you.

Here are a few ideas that might get the process rolling:

1. Stop by and help someone with a project they are busily working at. You may need to give up a Saturday morning or an evening of the week in order to fit yourself into their schedule, but it will be worth it. As you work together in casual environments, the roots of good relationships begin to grow. I have discovered that casual friendships sometimes become strong and earnest friendships as we work together on projects large or small.

2. Invite a prospective friend to your house for a meal and fellowship, or treat them to breakfast or dinner at a local restaurant. Be hospitable in whatever way you can. Where Romans 12:13 says to be given to hospitality, W. E. Vine translates it, “pursue hospitality as a calling.” Beloved, have you been wondering what your calling is? Well, here it is! Everyone can be hospitable in one way or another. Be creative. All other callings will grow out of this one.

3. Call prospective friends on the phone once a week just to see how they are doing. Don't overdo it, though; taking too much of their time over the phone could work against you. Try to keep your conversation to about ten minutes, and then let them go. Your aim is simply to let them know you're thinking about them, and that you wanted to call and see how they were doing. A word to the weary is what Scripture exhorts us to speak. Not so many words that we become the reason for a person's weariness.

4. Look for something about which to compliment a prospective friend. Honor them with a little focused attention, praise and appreciation. Avoid flattery though. Most people recognize when someone is flattering them, and they do not appreciate it.

5. Use self-discipline when approaching a prospective friend, and slow down long enough to show interest in the things that excite them. Frank Romer was correct when he said, “People will sit up and take notice of you when you sit up and take notice of what makes them sit up and take notice.” If you will give them your undivided attention as they talk about what interests them, they will soon begin to ask you what interests you, and the friendship begins to deepen. But if you only rattle on about yourself and about what interests you, they will soon begin to avoid you. To be a good friend, one must do as much listening as he does talking.

I am a Friend of God

The best friendship a man or woman can have is that which is available with God through Jesus Christ. All other friendships should pale in comparison.

Scripture says, “Abraham believed God, and it was accounted to him for righteousness. And he was called the friend of God” (James 2:23). Because Abraham believed what God said to him, and acted accordingly, he earned a special place in God's heart. When you and I choose to believe God concerning the righteousness He offers us through Jesus Christ, we too become His dear friends. When you and I believe everything else He tells us, concerning any topic or any theme in life, we strengthen our special friendship with Him.

Don't Treat Him as a Liar!

Beloved, when the Lord tells us something—anything—He expects us to believe it! To treat Him as a liar, or as someone who, at worst, is exaggerating, makes it hard for His friendship with us to grow. And you know, we are the same way! None of us wants to be close to someone who thinks we are lying to them. The surest way to alienate someone is to accuse them of lying when they are telling you the truth. Some people are so cynical, skeptical and so at odds with the world around them, that they have a hard time believing anyone is truthful and honest. We should pity such people. Erected in their lonely hearts is a massive stronghold of cold love and they are doomed to wander through life, frigid and friendless.

Jesus Calls Us Friends

Israel was God's servant, but Abraham was His friend (Isaiah 41:8). There is a distinction here. We should all desire to wait on the Lord as servants, but we should serve Him out of our intense love for Him as a friend. Jesus established this distinction one day as He was talking to His disciples:

No longer do I call you servants, for a servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all things that I heard from my Father I have made known to you.

John 15:15

This powerful statement applies not only to the twelve disciples, but also to all who have followed Jesus through the centuries. Proof that He counts us among His friends is witnessed in how He regularly makes heavenly things known to us. Jesus loves to take Heaven's blessings and shower them upon His good friends. He manifests His great salvation, His merciful healing power, and His strong deliverance. He meets our needs, gives us joy unspeakable, and fills our hearts with purpose and hope.

As this present evil world unravels at breakneck speed, Jesus gives us biblical insight into how things will turn out in the end. Not only that, but on a day-by-day basis, He shines light on our way, not desiring us to walk in an inch of darkness. Very little in life should catch the friends of God off guard. We have a Comforter inside us who shows us things to come—whether they be in the next hour, the next year, or at the end of this perilous age. But we must develop a hearing ear. As genuine friends of God, and not just acquaintances, we should always seek to give Him our undivided attention. We should not ignore Him any more than we would ignore the presence of our very best earthly friend.

Developing Your Friendship With God

If you would develop an intimacy with the Lord—one that will hold firm until your dying day—then examine the five things we considered earlier in this article when considering how to make fast friends of men. The same principles apply for strengthening our relationship with God.

1. Roll up your sleeves and dive into the work of God. Deliberately involve yourself in one of His worthy projects. When we are willing to invest our time and energy into the things He is doing on the earth, our friendship with Him naturally grows strong and solid.

•  Be hospitable to the Lord. Invite Him into your home and life. You would be surprised at the number of Christians who have not yet done this. They may tell Jesus He is welcome in their home, but if you examine their record of hospitality, they prove otherwise. If we want Jesus to be a close friend, we should include people in our lives that cannot repay us. We should reach out to the halt, the blind and the lame of this world's ruined race. Society ignores such people, looking down on them because of their poor social standing, lack of education, or because they don't look or smell so good. But Jesus doesn't scorn or reject them. He died for them. The acid test of our friendship with God is seen in how we treat society's rejects. God is no respecter of persons, are you? We would do well to remember that Jesus said, “That which you've done to the least of these my brethren, you've done also to me.” (See Matthew 25:35-40; James 2:1-9; 15-16.)

•  To develop a strong friendship with Jesus, get on the faith phone and call Him regularly. Let Him know that you value His friendship, and talk to Him often. They don't have to be long calls, but they should be frequent ones. Many people fail to pray because they believe that unless they stay on their knees for three or four hours a day, they aren't accomplishing anything. But this is not true. The Lord enjoys small, light-hearted conversations as well as long, intense ones. We should enjoy personal contact with the Lord throughout the day, both talking and listening to Him. Such interaction builds a strong, abiding friendship.

4. Look for things for which to compliment the Lord. Make much of His mighty hand, loving nature and eternal faithfulness. Praise Him, praise Him, and praise Him! Focus your attention and affection on who He is and on what He is doing. Your friendship with Him will abound!

•  Finally, slow down long enough to notice what He is focused on in the world. Sit up and take notice of what makes Him sit up and take notice. He closely observes ministry to the poor and downcast. He is absolutely thrilled with revivals and awakenings. His heart leaps in His chest each time a soul is saved. Kingdom purposes are first and foremost in His mind. Rejoice in these things with Him and watch how your friendship grows. Then you will be able to say with genuine conviction, “I am a friend of God!”

Next month we will explore more deeply what it means to be a friend of God.