A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver. - Proverbs 25:11

BASIC NEEDS of a FAMILY

Basic Needs of a Husband

1. He needs his wife to respect his spiritual position in the family. This presupposes that he is taking his place as:

              Head of the family
              Prophet in the home
              Priest of the family

As head, he stands at the front, but also bears the weight of responsibility, and she needs to appreciate his effort.

As prophet, he represents God to his family, and therefore needs to walk closely with Him in order to hear what He has to say for it.

As priest, he represents his family before God—interceding for, identifying with, and fighting for it.

2. He needs his wife to respect and make room for his stuff, to allow him to have a space all his own--a shop, an office, a man cave—and an occasional day out with the boys. She should not berate him for the things he enjoys, and as long as they do not harm the spiritual wellbeing of the family, she should keep her strong opinions to herself. Prayer will work much better anyway. Men need a little breathing room, and a wife who demands all his time and attention will lose him in the end.

3. He needs his wife to pray for and verbally encourage him, as he is under continual assault as a man of God, and one of Satan’s primary targets is his sense of worth.

4. Husbands need their wives to understand their strengths and weaknesses, and gently persuade them to do better; not nag or harshly criticize them. A woman will get farther by complimenting her man’s strengths than by blasting his weaknesses. Husbands sometimes need to hear a little praise, and occasionally a big “Well done!” when they’ve done something right or something well. Men who feel appreciated for what they can do, will often seek to learn what they cannot do.

5. He needs his wife to support his preferred methods for involvement with the kids. If he desires to interest his children in athletics, hunting or fishing, games, mechanics, or other hobbies (indoors or outdoors), she should not get in the way, unless of course the child shows no interest in it.

6. He needs his wife to oversee a clean and orderly home. Most men, unless they are slobs themselves, do not like to come home to clutter and filth; it is an unpleasant experience for them. A man’s home should be his pleasant refuge, not a dreaded prison.

7. He needs his wife to be hospitable and cordial to his friends/comrades. Hospitality is an imperative if a man will ever be a leader, and it is in his home that he makes and strengthens some of his most important spiritual relationships.

8. Husbands need their wives to develop their own relationship with God. Spiritually strong women make for strong husbands. It is as they grow strong in their own personal relationships with the Lord that they come together with their husbands to do awesome things for God.

9. He needs his wife to understand that all normal men have an innate need to feel like an explorer/adventurer, a warrior/champion, and a satisfying lover/soul mate. All men need a battle to fight (a cause); a frontier to explore and conquer (a goal); and a beauty to rescue and protect (a good woman). A man needs to know that he has what it takes to be good at something, and that his life matters to his wife.

Basic Needs of a Wife

1. She needs the stability and direction of a spiritual leader in the home.
(This is usually the number one failure of a husband.)

Four marks of a spiritual leader in the home

A. He has a desire to seek the Lord, walk with the Lord, and please the Lord.

              1. Disciplined in the Word.
              2. Disciplined in prayer.
              3. Proper attitude toward public means of grace; that is, assembling regularly with other         believers, receiving the Lord’s supper, offering himself for service, etc.

B. He has strong convictions based on the Word of God and is determined to follow those convictions in the love of God. He may be firm with himself, but is loving and kind to others.

C. He is reasonable and levelheaded, steady and reliable, not given to flights of fancy, fits of self-pity and despair, or outbursts of anger or rage.

D. He takes a vested interest in his wife and kid’s lives, what interests them, what they are doing, what makes them happy, and providing their every need. In other words, it is not all about him, but them.

2. She needs to know that she is meeting vital needs in her husband’s life, needs that no other woman can meet. She needs to know that she is important to him, and that he places great value on her. This knowledge lends great strength to her emotional and spiritual wellbeing.

3. She needs her husband to tenderly express his needs, fears, and failures with her; to clarify them and teach her how to help him rise above them and succeed in life.

4. She needs to see and hear that her husband cherishes and delights in her as a person. She needs him to protect her, and hear him praising her good qualities before others.

5. She needs to know that her husband understands her and will protect her in areas of her limitations. She wants boundaries that come from concern for her welfare, rather than boundaries that come from personal and selfish desires.

6. She needs to know that her husband enjoys setting aside quality time for her. This tells her that she is important. Planning is usually necessary for this.

7. She needs to know that her husband is aware of her presence even when his mind is on other things.

8. She needs her husband to honor her by practicing personal hygiene, by opening doors for her, carrying heavy loads for her, by introducing her to others, and by kissing her goodbye and hello.

9. She needs to see her husband making investments in her life that will expand her world, not just his own. Her husband should seek to present her spotless before the Lord.

Basic Needs of a Child

1. A child needs ample restraint and constraint (when younger); firmness, not harshness; correction, not abuse. Restraint speaks of keeping them from doing what they shouldn't do, and constraint speaks of making them do what they don't want to do.

2. A child needs consistency in corrective discipline, corporeal punishment. The Bible says, "He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines him promptly" (Proverbs 13:24). My daddy loved me!

3. A child needs support in what interests them (within boundaries, of course). If your son shows a strong interest in carpentry, mechanics, a particular sport, the great outdoors, a musical instrument, certain topics in science or history, etc., support them and see where it takes him. If your daughter shows a strong interest in certain things, support them as well. God put those interests in them, and will give them the ability to understand and grasp them more quickly than those children who are not interested in them. Don't try to pour your child into the common mold. His or her unique interests may be the key to their future success.

4. A child needs to know that it is okay to fall short. Never try to embarrass them into doing better. Never compare them to other children who are succeeding at the things they struggle with. Many a good child has been ruined by a parent who criticizes their weaknesses, and never praises their strengths.

5. A child needs the right amount of enthusiasm and praise. Parents need to be their greatest fans. I caught a touchdown pass in a little league football game one afternoon, and heard my dad yell, "Way to go, kid!" as he passed by in a colleagues car on the highway. Although his job as a real estate man made it impossible to be at most of my games, that one shout of appreciation from the highway did more for me than you can imagine.

6. A child needs to see no show of favoritism. Do not curse a child by acting like you prefer any others more than them. All kids are different. They have different personalities, strengths, weaknesses, interests, and yes, even quirks. Love them all the same.

7. A child needs a parent to respect their stuff, and as they get older, their uniqueness and privacy. You need to allow your child to own some things, particularly as they get older. They need to know they have places where they can store their stuff without you digging though it or moving it. Your one right as a parent is to demand that they keep it orderly and out from under foot.

8. A child needs to see a consistent example of godliness, holiness, respect for authority, honor, integrity, a good work ethic, a savings ethic, manliness and womanliness in the home. Need I expound?

9. A child needs to be trained how to survive the harshness of this world, both in spiritual and practical ways. They need a kingdom mindset developed within by parents who live the examples listed in number 8.

10. A child needs to know they are loved no matter what mistakes they make, or sins they have committed, and that there is always a place for them at their parent’s table (so long as there is courtesy, if not sorrow and repentance). In other words, they may not agree with your point of view on things, but as long as they don't deliberately stir up unrest and strife in the home, they should be welcome there.

* A child needs a parent first, and a friend later. I have observed parents that reverse this order, and by the time their child is a teenager, they are obnoxious rebels! If you do your job correctly as a parent, by the time your child reaches puberty, they will be your friend. Too many moms and dads forfeit the responsibility to be strong parents for fear of losing their child's friendship when they are young. Foolish mistake! You are not required to make them always like you, but you are required to train them up in the way they should go. If you do that part well, then they will grow to become your very best friends.